The end nears
Loki’s end is near now. We know it and yet we don’t want to face it.
Our little brain-damaged kitten is blind and his instability increases with each passing day. He spends more time on his side flailing at the air than on his feet. We have to keep him separated from our other cats.
We’ve increased the medications that control his seizures but he still convulses uncontrollably as I hold him in my arms and try to calm him. His breathing is shallow and difficult.
Yet, in calm times, he purrs and loves like any normal kitten.
In about a week the medication and the special food we feed him runs out. At that time I will have to make the decision that neither Amy nor I want to consider. But Loki’s quality of life now becomes the overriding issue.
Knowing that we’ve done everything in our power to make his brief time on this Earth as pleasant as possible doesn’t ease the pain or stop the tears.
My Cosmo was put to sleep yesterday morning. It was not an easy decision, but one I’d had a long time to ponder.
He was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease 4 years ago, and given 6-18 months to live. He had only eaten 1 and 1/2 bowl of his special food in the last two weeks, and hadn’t really been able to keep even that little bit down. So my decision was to let him go before his organs started to shut down, an inevitability. Loving to the end, he had nursed me for the last 18 months after my wife died suddenly. He will be missed, and always appreciated.
My thoughts are with you all.
Over 38 years of marriage, we have had to make the decision you are now facing four times. Each time was heart-wenching. Currently we are the proud parents of three cats.
Loki has touched the hearts of many people who will never know him. I think of you and this precious kitten every day.
I am sending heartfelt empathy to you both. Our cats are our precious friends and it is so hard to part with them. But it is fortunate that we are able to make decisions that are appropriate to alleviate their sufferings, something we are unable to do for our fellow humans.
I too know your pain of losing a beloved four-legged member of my family. I had to put my old girl Baby down today and although I was prepared, it still knocked me on my ass and took the breath right out of me. I haven’t been able to sleep tonight since my bed is empty without her.. I hurt beyond imagination and I had to read this again if only to know I was not alone tonight in my pain and grief.
Every time I look at my cats I think about you and yours. I’ve had to make the decision in the past and as you say it’s not a matter of if but a matter of when. Is it time? You’re the only one who knows what is the right thing to do and when is the right time to do it.
I, too, have thought about you and Amy and Loki so many times since your post on CHB.
There are few things more devastating than losing a beloved, trusting feline friend, and watching the steady deterioration. My heart bleeds for you.
Look in Loki’s eyes. He’ll tell you when it’s time. I knew when the light went out of my late cat Annabelle’s eyes that she was ready to go and was ready to be eased to the other side. Knowing I was doing the right thing for her didn’t make it any easier to make the decision or ease the grief.
My heart goes out to you. Little Loki is lucky to have the love of you and your wife during his short life. It is so hard to watch small, innocent ones suffer.
The love you express for Loki helps me to have just a little more faith in humankind. I have had to say goodbye to dogs, cats and birds. It is always difficult. God bless you and your family.
Connie MacConnell @ Bell Helicopter in Fort Worth, Tx.
P.S. I have 5 wonderful kitty cats at home right now and they are all special. I have a good photo of all of them; but I don’t know how to attach from here.
Connie MacConnell
As hard as it is to say goodbye to your sweet Loki, you must realize that your sweet kitty knows how lucky she is to have such loving, caring humans to hold and help her through these stressful last days. Hold her, love her, and let her go.
As someone that rescues feral kittens from the bushes of my backyard I know the heartache of trying everything possible for a creature that has the odds stacked against them. It doesn’t make it any easier to tell them good bye if they have only been with you a short time. Love is a hard thing to control..usually it controls us. The quality of the life is the only rationalization we can muster when it looks like the end is near. I have rescued whole litters only to watch them die one by one. My vet is a godsend, he keeps the bills as small as possible. I know your pain, I am going thru it now with some ferals that are sick and they don’t know what..they just say to me “some virus”..to me they are precious and how they came into my life doesn’t matter. They are loved until they leave this world and thats all that matters to me in the long run. Take care and know you did all you could for this tiny life you love so dearly.
I’m so sorry.
There was a time 30 years ago when I would have had no understanding of your feelings about Loki.. John Barleycorn was my master and my soul was dead.
Today, I can empathize with you and have compassion on all creatures, great and small.
The sorrow and pain I feel now is mixed with gratitude
because it means my spirit has been made alive again..
You’re a good and kindly man, Doug, and brave, too, in opening your heart in public.