Saint? Not bloody likely

Only the Irish would devote a hard-drinking holiday to a non-existent saint.

Yep, St. Patrick ain’t a saint. Never was, never will be.

But the Irish don’t care. The celebration of a false saint is nothing more than an excuse to drink (as if the Irish need an excuse to get tanked).

For the record, I’m a mixture of Scot, Seminole and black Irish so I had the link to Irish ancestry to blame for my excessive imbibing during my drinking day and, like anyone who claimed an Irish birthright, it was a flimsy excuse.

But what is more amazing about all the hoopla over St. Patrick’s Day is its false premise. Patrick is the “patron Saint of Ireland.”

Patrick wasn’t even Irish. As History.Com notes, much of the legend of St. Paddy is pure Irish blarney:

St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is one of Christianity‘s most widely known figures. But for all his celebrity, his life remains somewhat of a mystery. Many of the stories traditionally associated with St. Patrick, including the famous account of his banishing all the snakes from Ireland, are false, the products of hundreds of years of exaggerated storytelling.

Patrick was born in Britain to wealthy parents and died on March 17, 460 AD.

That’s right. He’s a Brit and — in most cases — the Irish hate Brits.

At 16, Irish raiders captured young Patrick and took him to Ireland, where he spent six years in slavery. At some point, he found God and became a devout Christian.

Patrick later escaped his captors, later writing that God spoke to him in a dream and told him to leave Ireland. Later, he says an angel in a dream told him to return to Ireland as a missionary. Legend says he brought Christianity to Ireland. In fact, Christians already lived there. He did build some churches and one story says he drove the serpents from the isle. Historians say that was unlikely because the weather in Ireland was not conducive to snakes being there in the first place.

And the Vatican says Patrick was never granted sainthood by the church. Since he claimed to talk directly to God, they may have suggested he become a traveling evangelist.

So, the Irish celebrate a day of festivities to a religious zealot who talks to God and angels in his dreams and rids the country of snakes that weren’t there.

I’ll drink to that (coffee of course).

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